I woke this morning with the worst pain, my heart hurt! It was like my heart was falling out of my chest or was breaking into very small pieces slowly. I wasn't sure what to do but with that feeling I knew today wasnt' going to be so great. I hate that feeling first thing in the morning. I honestly hate it in the afternoon and the evening; I actually always hate it! I can't think of a time when I said, "oh boy my heart feels great when it's falling out."
When this feeling comes it is like a storm. It sneaks up on my and hits hard; hurricane Deborah strikes again! These feelings are like all the stuff in the ocean being swished around inside of me. It doesn't feel good and any chance of it stopping is not for seen. Unfortunately I know why this all started. Last night I had a dream about my mom. She was asking me to stay with her, and even though I wanted to my brain was telling me I had so much I should be doing. She asked so nicely, but almost in a begging since. I felt incredibly guilty. My insides were being torn from the inside out! I woke up to realize it was all a dream and she would NEVER ask me for anything again.
With all these emotions stewing inside of me I decided I needed to take that passion and do something my mom had always wanted to do. Although I won't yet tell everyone what it is I will be sure and share sometime in the future.
All I want to do is make my mommy proud!
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