Sunday was like every other Sunday, which is fantastic! We got up and we to breakfast, but afterwards we went to Banducci's Pumpkin Patch for our annual pumpkin picking extravaganza. It was awesome! Jeff and Evan were walking around while I meandered through the pumpkins looking for the perfect one to dissect when it hit me. Yes that train of emotion that barrels through like it has somewhere to be but plants itself in your heart. My mom would not see our pumpkins this year. Well actually she will see them, but physically there will be no inspection of them.
So while I walked I held in the tears. "I am fine!" "I am fine!" I told myself. I then ran into a long time friend...not old because then that means we are old, but a long time friend. In less than 5 minutes I was a patient of hers, even though she's not a physicologist, crying my eyes out. Seriously poor girl!
Finally I drug myself back to the boys and home we went. Evan needed a nap and I needed a LONG shower. I was thinking, which is always a bad thing, about my mom and all the things I miss. And geez for a fast train why was it not leaving my depot already??? I finally got out and down poured more tears. Why your wondering? Well it dawned on me I couldn't remember my mom's voice. How silly a thought, but in only a month I have already forgotten how she sounds. Why are our memories so short in remembering something we heard daily for almost 30 years?
Upon the realization I went and cried to my attentive husband, who was unable to produce words, but I was okay with that. Finally the train was leaving and I had cried and felt all the woos of the day!
I realize now that bad days are only here on occasion and I will have to work through them. The only good thing is it makes me concentrate on something I loved so dearly about my mom!
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